Sir Central
by Lieutenant
Summary: When Havoc and Mustang find out they have been entered in a beauty pageant, they try to get out of it. When the contest comes around, the guys have endure an interview, talent competition, and yes, a bathing suit competion. rated for safety
1. The Nomination

**Chapter 1: The Nomination**

"The first annual 'Sir Central' pageant will be held May 5th." read the poster tacked on to the bullitin board in Central, or at least it did, until Havoc took it back to the break room. "Hey guys," called Havoc to Falman, Breda, and Fuery. "Have you seen this yet?"

"What is it?" asked Fuery as Havoc sat down next to them and popped a fresh cigarrette in his mouth.

"It's announcing the first annual 'Sir Central' pageant to be held here on May 5th."

"What? A pageant? You mean like a pageant for women?" said Breda.

"Yes," responded Falman. "Except, judging by the title '_Sir_ Central', I would say this is a pageant for males."

Havoc burst out laughing as Breda ripped the sheet out of his hands. "I think you're right Falman. It even tells us what type of events are being judged. It looks like there is a talent competition, an interview, and a swimsuit competition."

"Well, who's going to be in this thing?" asked Fuery. Breda scanned the page for the answer. Havoc's shrieks of laughter were still reaching their ears. By now he was rolling on the floor.

"Oh God. It looks like men from Central are nominated by their peers. Meaning anyone could be in this thing." They all raised their eyebrows to one another. Havoc sat up and wiped his eyes.

"Yeah, I mean who's going to actually participate in this thing?" Just then the door behind them opened and in walked Roy Mustang holding his forhead, with Riza Hawkeye trailing in after him. Havoc quickly looked at Breda, Falman, and Fuery and gave a huge grin. Slowly their thoughts seemed to merge together and they all had the same idea. Havoc was beside himself again and began to crack up. This caught Roy's attention.

"What are you morons laughing at over there?" he sneered from across the room. He popped 2 aspirins and a gulp of water for his headache.

"Oh, we're not doing anything over here, sir." answered Falman. Roy glared at them from the table across the room. Riza remained expressionless as she made Roy a cup of fresh coffee.

"Colonel, how many times do I have to remind you not to pull all-nighters the night before your paperwork is due. You should really get it done when I tell you to." chastised Riza. She set Roy's coffee in front of him and he held the cup to warm his hands. Riza glanced over at the foursome in the corner. Breda, Falman, and Fuery recoiled under the Lieutenant's gaze. She knew they were up to no good. Casually she walked closer and closer to them. "So what do you boys have there?" she asked, again, without expression.

"Uh... uh... nothing." stammered Fuery.

"Lietenant, you wouldn't happen to know where we can fill out applications for the 'Sir Centeral' pageant, do you?" asked Falman.

Riza just stared back at the 4 men. Snores from Roy could be heard behind her. The Colonel must have fallen asleep on the table. "Actually boys," began Riza. "I happen to be one of the judges for the pageant. Are any of you interested?"

"Uh, well, Havoc was kinda planning on entering and-"

"WHAT! I was _not_! You liar! Lieutenant, we wanted to nominate the Colonel!"

"SHHHHH!" Falman, Fuery, and Breda had to muzzle Havoc so they didn't wake up Roy.

"If you want I can enter Jean and Roy's names to be in the pageant for you. Jean, so you know, there will be a bathing suit competition on the third day, so I would suggest not eating too much beforehand." With that, Riza nodded goodbye to them and left the break room. Havoc began sobbing and curled up under the table.

"Oh!" exclaimed Fuery. Breda and Falman leaned over his shoulder.

"What?" asked Breda.

"Well, it says: Nominations are to be turned in to room 157 by May 2nd. It looks like we didn't have to ask the Lieutenant asfter all. Heh, well now Havoc's in this thing. I think I'll go see this now."

"Yeah, I mean if Havoc's going to be in it and all..." chuckled Breda. "We need to support him!"

Havoc lept from under the table and tackled Breda to the ground. "That's not funny! I didn't want to be in that stupid pageant! I'm gonna kill you guys!"

Their noise woke up Mustang from his uncomfortable position on the table. He opened his groggy eyes to see Havoc on top of Breda on the floor. "God, my headache must be terrible. I think I'm dying." Roy stood up and passed his 4 subordinates, but couldn't leave without saying, "Guys, get a room, for eveyone's sake." He smirked on his way down the hallway as he heard Breda yelp in pain.

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((This is my first entry. I hope everyone at least remotely enjoyed it. There are a few more chapters coming. Please excuse my poor writing. I'm not very happy with my writing style. Hopefully I'll improve. Please review! I'd love to get better!)) 

Chapter 2: The Break-in -- coming **very** soon

-Lt.


	2. The Break in

**Chapter 2: The Break-in**

"You know Havoc, the pageant's in 3 days. I wouldn't eat all that food. You want to look good for the swimsuit competition, don't you?" teased Breda as he, Falman, Fuery, and Havoc ate lunch in the break room. Havoc threw a piece of his pizza at Breda's face, hitting him in the nose.

"Shut up! I'll do whatever I want." Havoc had been in a foul mood ever since his 3 friends had entered him in the "Sir Central" pageant to be held May 5. Little did they know, Havoc was planning on breaking in room 157 and taking his name out of the competition. Havoc grinned to himself. He just had to wait for the opportune moment to get it...

Just then the door opened and Riza Hawkeye poked her head in the room. "Colonel Mustang said he would like to see you Lt. Havoc."

Breda, Falman, and Fuery glanced at Havoc. "What does he need me for?"

"I didn't ask him and didn't tell me anything. He's waiting in his office." Riza exited the room and Havoc stood up to follow her. There weren't many times when one of them was asked to see the Colonel alone and Riza didn't know about it. You could imagine a trumpet singing out a mournful tune as Havoc left the room.

Falman turned to his companions. "Oh, he's dead."

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Havoc eventually made it to the Colonel's office. The hallway was deserted as he looked around him. Slowly he turned the doorknob and entered the room. Inside the Colonel was sitting at his desk signing sheets of paper in what seemed to be random places. Roy looked up when Havoc closed the door. Havoc swiftly saluted to his superior.

Mustang nodded and allowed Havoc to stand easy. "Uh, you wanted to see me, Colonel?"

"Havoc, don't stand near the door. Have a seat." He indicated the chair in front of his desk. Havoc cautiously moved to the chair and gingerly sat down. He nervously lit a new cigarrette.

"So, Lieutenant. I am sure you have heard some news about that 'beauty' contest that's being held here in a few days, correct?" Havoc nodded. "And I am sure you know about the whole nomination progress." Again, Havoc nodded. Roy continued, "So can you explain why I am somehow in the pageant?" Havoc's eyes opened wider.

"Sir..."

"Havoc? Do you think I am stupid?" Mustang's voice was almost at a whisper now. Havoc almost wished the Colonel would yell. He was much scarier when he was mad like this. "The other day I wasn't sleeping. You and the other morons are so loud you could wake the dead. I heard Fuery tell Hawkeye to enter me in the 'Sir Central' pageant. Plus, Hawkeye told me that I should do a few sit-ups today. Don't you think that's a clue?"

Havoc could not help but give a little chuckle. "Havoc! You are going to help me get out of this. I am not walking down some catwalk just to be some eye candy for a bunch of soldiers."

"... Um...sir?"

"...Nevermind. I prodded it out of the Lieutenant, but I know you are in the pageant too."

"Yeah! I am! Those jerks! They shoved me into it, I had no choice!" Havoc's cigarrette almost fell out of his mouth.

"I say we get ourselves out of this sissy pageant!" Roy and Havoc were getting pumped. "Ok, now, where do they keep the damned nominations box?"

"Colonel, they keep them in room 157."

"Alright! Let's do it then!" Havoc and Roy jumped out of their seats. "Tonight, come to my office at eleven o'clock sharp. We're getting out of that damn pageant!"

"Yeah! Let's do it!"

"Excuse me, Sir." Havoc and Mustang quickly turned around. Riza was standing in the doorway with her usual emotionless face. "Sir, people can hear you all the way down the hall. Can you be quieter? Thank you." Riza left the baffled men staring at the office door.

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Havoc tiptoed down Central's halls toward the Colonel's office. He was dressed completely in black with leather gloves. Havoc put out his cigarrette and just as he was reaching for the door handle Roy opened the door from inside his office. "Ah!" yelped Havoc. Roy cupped his hand around Havoc's mouth.

"Havoc, don't blow our cover." Roy let go of Havoc's mouth. "Ok, now let's get to work."

Mustang was wearing all black too. To add to his outfit, he had on a black pair of his spark gloves. 'What? In case he has to torch the nominations box?' thought Havoc. Reaching room 157, which was just down the hall, Mustang motioned to be quiet to Havoc and to come closer to him. "Ok, now I have the keys to this room, so let's go." Roy unlocked the room and slowly opened it. Havoc fumbled for the light switch, but eventually turned the light on.

Sitting on a table in the middle of the room was a box about the size of a shoe box. But sitting in a chair in front of the table, facing the door, was Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, armed with a military rifle in her lap. "Hello Colonel, Lieutenant. What are you doing here this time of the night? I hope you finished your paperwork."

"Uh, we were just... Uh, Havoc?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you need from this room?"

"What!"

cli-click

"Colonel, Lieutenant, I am going to have to ask you to leave. I don't want to have to use this." As always, the Lieutenant's face showed no expression. Roy and Havoc slowly backed out of the room.

"Uh, no, you know what Hawkeye? I'm going to go finish that paperwork that I didn't feel like doing earlier. We'll, uh, see you tomorrow." Havoc quickly turned the lights back off and Mustang closed the door.

"God, Mustang. That woman scares me."

"Me too." answered Roy as they ran down the hall to Roy's office.

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((So, that's chapter 2. Hopefully I'll get chapter 3 up soon. It should be up in a few days. Please review. I would love to hear your comments, good or bad.))

Chapter 3: The Talent Competition -- coming soon

-Lt.


End file.
